The Power of Saying Yes and Learning Through Failure

Explore how mistakes are learning opportunities and how to connect with your teen to problem-solve

As much as we do not want to admit it, parent's are not all-knowing! Even as adults we make mistakes. Learning and growing through failure happens all the time. So, why do we expect our teens to know or just “get it”? I encourage families to model the behavior you want to see in your teen. Own your mistakes as an adult and celebrate what you learn through the process. Practice taking responsibility, repairing and apologizing and encourage your teen to do the same.

Punishment is punitive. If we want our teens to learn responsibility why do we take away the opportunity by grounding them? Mistakes are learning opportunities. Allow organic consequences to set in and don’t be afraid to let your teen fail. It comes from a place of caring and protecting but sometimes limiting your teen deprives them of real-world opportunities. As parents of teenagers, you should be saying yes 5 times to saying no. Encourage your teen to take risks and try new things. This empowers your teen and motivates them to find confidence within themselves.

When failure does happen, unintentionally, we grill our teens. “Why did this happen?”, “How could you?” We turn failure into embarrassment, nagging and worse yet lecturing. Lean into failure. Explore with your teen what went right and what went wrong. What could your teen have done better? What was your teen’s take away? How does your teen feel about their mistake? What were they trying to do? Use failure as a teachable moment to instill the life-long skills and characteristics you want to see in your teen. Share your goals with your teen and allow your teen to do the same. Come together and problem solve. Often, punishment is disguised as making teens pay for the past which can instill resentment and rebellion. I challenge you to refocus your attention to the future. How are you and your teen going to resolve the issue? Look for solutions and encourage your teen to be open and honest with their mistakes.